I don’t know about you, but I really needed a mentor in my life growing up.
As a child, I was insecure and shy. At Kapalama Elementary School I was the kid that always lost his things, forgot his homework assignments, and had a hard time paying attention in class. They even tested me to see if I had some sort of learning disability!
Eventually I began to believe that I was dysfunctional. My parents sent me to my older cousin, Diane, a resource teacher, for testing and tutoring. And before long, things began to change.
But it wasn’t the exercises or the homework that made the difference—hear this—it was that she believed in me.
She refused to listen to the teachers and the tests scores and she became my biggest champion. She ingrained in me that I had the potential to be whoever I wanted to be!
That was a turning point in my life.
My self confidence grew and hope was rekindled in my life. And because of her impact, I have a great passion for mentoring others. In fact, I have been mentoring young men and women for over 20 years now, and I have come to realize that it is my life assignment; it’s what I was created for and what I will die doing.
Is Mentoring Really Worth It?
We all recognize the benefits of a committed mentoring relationship where the mentee (the person being mentored) becomes more resilient and increases their self-confidence. This spills over to improved performance and stronger relationships.
But mentoring is easier said than done.
Although at first you have a picture in your mind of this amazing, thriving, fun mentoring relationship, you and I both know that the reality is there are times when you really just want to wring your mentee’s neck!
Honestly, I have sometimes wondered if I am making a difference in the life of the people I mentor. Sometimes I feel like we’re not moving forward…that I am spinning my wheels. Especially when I see my mentee making poor choices or having to learn the hard way.
Committed Love, Changed Lives
But in all my years of mentoring the most valuable gem that I’ve learned, that keeps me from quitting, is this: in the midst of the biggest dramas—the biggest disappointments—I can expect the biggest breakthroughs. The biggest miracles!
I call this Committed Love, Changed Lives.
In the times when you’re struggling to not give up on them, but instead choose to embrace and accept them just as they are…this is what will transform their life forever.
At their very worst—at their lowest points of failure—when you demonstrate your committed love, letting them know that you are not going anywhere but are going to walk them through the tough times no matter what, it is then that their greatest fears are broken and hope is rekindled in their hearts.
This is what gives them value and has the power to create incredible champions out of them.
So don’t miss these opportunities as you mentor and encourage those in your life. It is often at those points, when you feel like giving up on them, that their most important breakthrough appears.
– adapted from a speech given to the Big Brothers Big Sisters of Hawaii – Volunteer Appreciation